I am so not ashamed to type that title and for that, all glory to God. A good friend sent me this article today and every word resonated with me. (Please read. It's that good.)
Last weekend I went to a clothing exchange. Are you familiar? You bring your load of unwanted items that you no longer wear; clothes, accessories, shoes, etc. You get rid of your stuff and come home with new-to-you items. It was kind of a sucky day for me. I showed up and instantly realized I was 'the big girl' as I walked in. I felt like I really stuck out, and how unfortunate for me that I was attending a clothing exchange. While there, I even had thoughts about how to write a humorous blog post about how to endure a clothing exchange as the big girl--come home with a pair of shoes, nail polish, jewelry, and a hat. Which is exactly what I got out of it. Most of the pants I looked through--size 0-5. Shirts? Smalls or mediums. Certainly not big enough for a breastfeeding gal, let alone someone who has my size "girls." I hadn't spent much time at home thinking about what to wear, but when I left, I felt pretty cute in the outfit I'd picked. Funny how things change when you're in a certain environment. When I was there, I looked down at myself and thought, "Who wears jean shorts anymore? What was I thinking wearing a tank top that exposes my arms? I shouldn't have worn flip flops." I left the clothing exchange feeling really down. I tried to make light of it, but really, I was feeling so insecure and ugly.
Until I got home. (Thank You, Jesus.) My husband loves me so much and I know without a doubt that he genuinely thinks I am a beautiful woman. And what's funny is that I actually feel pretty good in my skin. I'm back at it with the running and go to the gym 5-6 days a week. (A little excessive perhaps, but I truly look forward to it every day.) I'm training for another half marathon, go to a weight lifting class twice a week, and walk my dog everyday. I'm an active person. I enjoy moving and love being healthy. This doesn't mean I am a calorie counter by any means. I eat with gusto and enjoy food, and for the most part make healthy choices. But I'm still a size 12. Sure, I've got some baby weight I'd like to lose and am not back at my original weight, but I feel good. I feel really good.
I refuse to be a slave to this world's messed up ideals of beauty. Why should I let it bring me down? Can I have permission to go against the grain on this? To rebel against society's brainwashing? I don't want to live my life (the only one I will ever have) obsessing about my reflection. I don't want to spend my days always projecting what I want to look like in the future. I don't want to wake up a 45 year old one day and still be battling the same issues I dealt with as a 15 year old. Give me freedom, Jesus. Let me embrace who I am and be proud because I am your girl. If I don't, I rob God of His glory. I spit in His face because I don't think He did a good enough job being Creator.
7 comments:
praise God for wonderful husbands.
love you friend :)
great words carey! i'm definitely guilty of spending too much time thinking about and trying to fit into the worlds view of beauty. but to remember that every little detail of ourselves was purposely created by the Great Creator really puts it all into a much needed perspective. thank you for your words.
loveyou, lovemee.
Every time I start to feel sorry for myself that someone does X, Y, or Z better than i do so I must suck, I remind myself my way is probably a lot more fun. Which means I get to tell better stories that start out "what had happened was..."
And? As far as body image, I'd much rather eat vanilla gelato with kiwi sauce than be a size 5. EVERYTHING tastes better than how skinny feels.
Ack! I completely understand the feeling of "cute at home" and "holy cow I wore the wrong thng again" when I get there. Pretty much happens every time I'm in Dallas. It's taken some time, but I'm starting to get in a good mental spot. Sunds like you're alredy there! Woot woot!
Love it! Love you...you hot mama!
~Christy Hutchins
so glad you are my friend. so thankful you are embracing your beauty and setting a healthy example for your girls.
weight stuff is such a freaking lie. i get so sick of hearing the lies every day and saddened that the ones i love have to hear them as well.
fight the good fight, you hot mama, you.
I think having babies makes women so beautiful. I'm sure my body doesn't look like it did before, but I feel sexier now-more womanly. And I find that the healthy I am physically, the healthier my mind is in general.
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