A Really Expensive Kind That is Found at High-End Boutique Hair Salons

About 4x a year I get my hair cut.  I save up the fifty bucks and splurge for the kind where you get a head massage and glass of wine offered to you.  Makes me feel fancy for the hour I'm away from my kids.  I went a couple days ago and had this conversation with my favorite hair gal.

Lily:  Wow, your hair is so shiny and soft.  What kind of product do you use?

Me:  Product?  I guess I use a hair dryer on occasion to speed things up, you know, if I need to have dry hair or something.

Lily:  No, like do you use a certain brand of hair products?

Me:  Oh.  Yeah, I use a really expensive kind called Suave.

Lily:  Haha.  Suave, eh?

Me:  Oh, so you've heard of it?

Oh, For the Sake of Poop!

I'm not sure if we are a normal household or not, but I'd like to assume that other families in the toddler-bottom-wiping phase of life are poop-centric, too.  Real life examples.  (Don't say I didn't warn you.)

* My 2 year old kind of requires an audience when she's working one out on the potty.  The more, the merrier.  She wants you to sit and give your undivided attention while she marinates you in her poo smell.

* From across the room if we spot our baby grunting and red in the face, our typical response out loud is "Push.  Work it out, girlfriend."

* I met up with a friend to feel adult-like grab drinks.  The bar tender asked for my ID and along with my wallet I presented her with a pretty foul poopy diaper that had been in my purse for who knows how long.

* I looked out the window a couple days ago to check on my kid playing outside and noticed her pants down and squatting.  My observations concluded that she was replicating how our dog "goes" in the yard.

* In the midst of giving my diaper-rash-prone baby girl some 'air-out time,' it's not uncommon to find a little surprise in a corner somewhere in the house.  I try to keep a good eye out so Marlow doesn't swallow whole the steaming hot fresh poo.  It's his favorite delicacy these days if he can get his paws on it before us.

*  Though they look similar to what could be a parasite, kiwi seeds in a baby's poop should not cause alarm.  This was only discovered after some intense inspection from the momma.

Bonus fact of the day!  For the record, it is possible (and not all that uncomfortable, actually) to take a dump using the Ergo while baby is on the back.  Who knew?

This Happens Daily

Fact.  My tea usually steeps for 12 hours at room temperature before I drink it.  I intend to consume it while it's hot, but the mornings are driven usually by a rather energetic 2 year old and a baby who puts a hook so tight around your arm that you don't put her down.  I usually find my cold mug in the microwave around lunch time, reheat it at that point with great ambitions once again, but almost always do I get caught up in something else and forget about it.  Thus after the kids are down I drink my day-long brewed tea.  Should that gross me out?  It's one of the exciting times of my day, actually.

Ain't That The Truth

This blog makes me cry-laugh on an almost daily basis.  My oh my, how I can resonate with the parenting sketches.

You've Got Mail

It's true.  Sometimes I am too lazy and too cheap to go to a store to find real toys for my kids.  But hey, it makes their imagination work harder, right?  :)  And look how happy she is--not tainted in the slightest.  What comes to my mailbox as junk mail is treasure to my 2 year old.  She loves to go get the mail and if her name is on it, then that's more mommy points for me.  She rips it up and looks through it with concentration, then has a ball pretending some more that someone sent her mail.  Sweet, gullible thing.  And yes, that's my baby in the background ingesting some of Vera's "mail."

What It Looks Like When I Am Wanting To Be Irresponsible

Chris walks in the door and these are his observations:

Vera is watching the Sesame Street credits roll (for who knows how long).

There is a humongous dough pile that has risen 3x it's size sitting on the counter in a bowl.

There are unpacked groceries still sitting in the bags all over the kitchen floor.

The trash is smelly and needs taken out.

And I am on the computer looking at shoes online.

Dance Party

Vera likes to play the game 'dance party' quite frequently.  Chris recorded our most recent one.  And yes, that's all natural talent.

Goal # 6: Accept the fact that I am not in Student Council and don't attend.

The last time my parents came to visit they left a carload of stuff that had been stored in my childhood home, to which I replied, "You mean I can't keep my stuff there forever?"  Apparently not.  But going through boxes upon boxes of stuff (dated back as far as 1987--I was 3 years old) has been a humorous and nostalgic process for me.  Yearbooks, scrapbooks, Valentines handwritten from 4th grade classmates, notes from friends that I'd saved (the kind that end with "Check yes or no."), and much more.  I have thrown out or recycled 99% of the stuff, however, I have saved a few gems that are blog-worthy.

For your evening chuckle, I came across "Carey's Goals," which from the looks of it were written by my mom for me in elementary school sometime.  There's no date, so I can't be certain, but I'm betting that I was pretty young.  Geez, I hope so at least.

I don't know if I like exposing the person that I was, but here goes!

Some favorite lines:  "and move away from them" and "Quit calling home."  Ouch.

What Not To Include On A Resume When Interviewing At A Tech Company

Team Leader

I lead and organize all lifeguards during emergencies and day to day situations

I operate pool mechanics and maintain chemical balance in the pool water

I interact with patrons who have a problem with the pool, staff members, or with other patrons

Life Guard

Saved lives of victims, provided first aid and prevented accidents

Interacted with patrons, explaining rules and provided customer service 

Enforced pool rules and health code regulations

 Let's just say that Chris and I had ourselves a few chuckles after reading this one.

Baby Names That Make You Think, WTF?!

You've come across names before, I'm sure, that have different spellings or pronunciations.  You've probably even heard a lot of odd names, and like me, wonder what in the world the parent was smoking when they signed that birth certificate.  They make good laughs though, right?

I have a good friend (a hilarious blogger) who works as a Labor and Delivery nurse and has met these unfortunately-named babies herself.  In fact, cruise on over to her blog if you want to laugh so hard you have to cross your legs to keep from peeing in your pants.  (Orrrrr, perhaps that's just me.)  She's writing a series right now on 'FAQ to the L&D Nurse.'  If you don't mind reading about vaginal discharge, pooping during delivery, and obese pregnant girls that lost Twinkies in their rolls and never knew they were knocked up...then you're in luck because this blog is for you!

In regards to funny names, I thought I'd gather a list of peculiar names of people my friends have personally met.  These are great and if you're in the market for a baby name, perhaps these might be the inspiration you were looking for.

First off, sisters named by the same momma...

Rondayvoo (pronounced Rendezvous)

Dayjavoo (pronounced "Deja vu")

Saylavee (pronounced "Se la vie")

Next, a great idea if you're wanting a no-nonsense masculine name for your little boy.

Imaman (pronounced "I'm a man")

This one with the emphasis on the "th" sound, such as "thing."

Shithead

Great if you're wanting to incorporate real creativity:

La-ia (pronounced La dashia)

And the winner in my book...

Abcde (pronounced much like Obesity)

--

What's the most crazy name you've ever heard?

Not Your Average Membership Photo

I went to Costco today to get a new card since somebody* most likely threw it in the trash along with some gift cards from last Christmas (boo).  They let me get photographed with my lil shopping sidekick.

* sneaky, mischievous, curious little girl who lives in my home

Should Have Asked Bubba

Me: "Hey babe, what should we eat with shrimp this week?"
Chris:  "Um, how about steak?"


...I was thinking more along the lines of how to prepare it, or a side dish perhaps.

They Called Me Condom Head

 Middle school kids can be crude, but really, what was I expecting from wearing this?  How in the world did I think this hat was cool?  Why my mom didn't stop me from leaving the house like this, I'll never know.  There are so many other things I could mention about these photos, the obvious cheese of the "twin pictures," how much I liked dark nail polish, the closed mouth smile due to braces but let's leave it at that.

~~~

What are some fashion trends gone-bad that you wore with pride?

Moby Wrap Fun

Vera cracked me up today.  She is such a little observer and often times I don't even notice until she imitates something she's seen me do.  I borrowed a Moby Wrap and often wear it around the house with Lydia inside.  I love her snuggled up to me and it's pretty easy to clean, cook, and get things done with her in it.  Vera was playing with it this afternoon and I had the brilliant idea to stick her 22 lbs. inside.  What a little monkey she is.  She looks so dang big and I love the scowl on her face.

After wanting out, I soon realized that she really wanted to wear it herself carrying her baby.  Of course!  So I wind the fabric around her and tuck it in to fit her.  She LOVES having baby in the wrap and thinks it's so neat to look like mommy.

It amazes me how natural it is for this little girl to be so motherly and nurturing.  Chris really scored buying her her first baby doll.  She's obsessed and baby has to be swaddled all the time with the pacifier in her mouth.

She brings me so much joy.