I Have Post-Birth Baby Jiggle and Why I Don't Care

I realize about myself that I don't have the typical runner's body.  I've only been at it for 2 years now and if eating less homemade baked goods is the reason, then so be it.  There is usually a moment when I am about to pass an oncoming pedestrian and for a second, I wonder, "What do I look like to them?  Probably pretty ridiculous.  Probably they think I need to lose a few.  Probably I should cut back on the yummy goodness I've been making lately."  But then I shake it off as lies, realize how good I feel in my skin, and party on pass them.  I hate that I still let that kind of foolishness in my head at times, but I have a feeling that I'm not alone in it.

Here's the anatomy of my running self and a 'lil sales pitch.

 OMG, what did I do before this stuff?  I rubbed myself raw, I tell ya.  A dear friend heard my cry for help when I told her what awful chafing issues I was having on my 5+ mile runs. (The longer I'd sweat, the worse it got.)  I forgot about our conversation and she later surprised me with this stuff and it's amazing!  It fixes everything I had hoped it would.  My problem areas were the bra line and my thighs (Hey, I'm being real here.), and I can say that I have no problems now.  If you ever have chafing issues while exercising, try this stuff!

* Can I still call it 'post-birth baby jiggle' if my youngest is approaching 1 year?  :)

Revisiting 2012 Resolutions

I posted some resolutions for this year and wanted to look back and see how I'm doing a month later.

Brush my kids' teeth more consistently.  I'll be honest that it's still not every night (We're only shooting for once a day here, right?), but we're at it about 4x a week now.  Why do I forget so easily to do this?

Add flax seed more often.  Check.  I add it once a day now to something we're eating.

Log my runs.  Check!  I've been using MapMyRun and I love keeping track of the stats!  I run about 3 times a week at an average of 10 min./mile pace with a total of 70 miles so far this year.

Cook through my recipe box.  Not gonna happen.  I should have actually looked through it thoroughly first.  50% of the recipes are desserts, and Lord knows I don't need any more reasons to buy more butter.

Get the doors on the laundry cabinets.  This one is not in my hands.  ;)

--

I'm feeling pretty productive so far this year.  Maybe I should make some additional goals...

Why I Run {This Is Church}

When picking up the race packet at the Expo on Saturday, I found a booth that was asking people to write down their reason that they run and say it in front of a camera for the news.  Why do I run?  That seemed like such a deep question to answer so quickly.  There are so many reasons.  I have to pick just one?  Because I was with a friend and we were headed out, I wrote down the first one that came to mind, but I've been camping out on this question all weekend.

Yes, one reason I run is to set an example of a healthy, active lifestyle and be a role model for my daughters.  If momma is healthy and happy, then that's a good recipe for teaching the daughters to be so, right?  I want them to grow up thinking it is normal and fun be physically active.  I want them to not be afraid to get dirty and sweat hard.  I want them to enjoy moving and exercise.  I don't want it to be a rigid, legalistic thing but more so something that is innately ingrained in how they live their lives.  They don't write "exercise" on their calendars, but instead head out for a run in between homework and TV because it matters to them and makes them feel alive and good.

But there are other reasons, too.

One thing I love about running is that it's just me and the road.  There is no one helping me or hindering me.  I've* got to come up with the strength and drive to do it.

It is the best mental release I've found.  With music or without, I zone out from mommy-hood, life's problems, and all other worries.  It gives me emotional balance.

I love that I don't have to watch what I eat.  It's worth it for that alone.

It makes me feel strong, empowered, and motivated in life.

It really feels good to know that I am taking care of my heart, lungs, and muscles.

When I am out on a run, I often get to a place where it just feels holy.  I don't have any other explanation except that I feel that it honors God.  Perhaps it's tapping into the way He created humanity to be; physically using our bodies and doing hard work.  When I am pushing myself and sweating, I often tell Him "Thank You, God, for creating my body to work hard."  I love experiencing a life opposite of laziness.  It makes me feel alive.  And it makes me feel closer to God.  There's something about the stillness when it's just me and the road.  Using my body in this way, I have experienced worship on a whole new level, and on those runs, I feel, this is church.

Christ in me, cuz really, I'm nothing without Him.

My Second Half Marathon

This was by far my most fun race yet!  It couldn't have been more perfect than running with a friend that I've known since middle school!  Stephanie just moved outside of Dallas this year so it made perfect sense for us to run The Dallas White Rock Half Marathon together.  We kept the pace with each other pretty well and made the time go by fast by being in conversation the whole time.  It was a blast!

Here's a quick recap (so I can remember in the future more than anything else):

The weather was awful!  It was pouring down rain and we were drenched the entire time.  Our feet were soaking wet from all the puddles and nothing was dry on us.  It was so cold, too.  The temps were in the high 30s, which is freezing in Texas.  I started off with a poncho, over-sized jacket, gloves, ear warmers, and then two layers of shirts.  By the middle of the race, I was warm enough to shed the poncho and jacket and gloves.  Though the conditions were unideal, it didn't put much of a damper on our moods.  We were excited to run.

That morning I slept through my alarm clock (of course), but woke up in the nick of time to throw on my clothes, eat some toast with peanut butter, do my pre-race dump, down a couple glasses of water and head out the door.  Stephanie and I had planned a rendezvous point to meet up in downtown Dallas before heading to the race.

Miles 1-5 went by like a blur.  We talked the entire time and were laughing at funny things we saw.

Mile 6:  I got emotional seeing a quadruple amputee running the race alongside me and everyone else.  It was so inspiring and I thought, If they can do this, I certainly can, too.  I also got a text at this point from a friend who took a picture of her and her daughter holding up a sign, rooting me on, from Austin!  It was so thoughtful and meant so much to me since no one was at the race cheering for me.  I ran with my phone and was able to read other texts I'd received from friends while running.  It was so encouraging!

Miles 7-9 were still on the easy scale.  I was actually really surprised by how manageable, enjoyable, and easy it was at this point.  I decided to kick it into gear and run faster.  I was still feeling really great and had tons of energy.  I put in my ear buds to zone out and listened to music.  I found the 2:10 pacer and kept up with him.  Whenever there were people cheering on the side, I'd hold my hand out to get some high fives from strangers.

Miles 10-12:  I was ready to start seeing mile markers by this point.  More than anything else, it started being a mental battle.  I knew I could do it but really wanted to beat my previous time, so I tapped into my reserve of mental power and busted it out.  At this point, I started focusing on my breathing and elongated my stride.

Miles 12-13:  Ready to get 'er done and still felt strong and optimistic.  Felt like I could keep going a few more miles, but was glad to see the Finish Line.  My final time was 2:16 which was 20 minutes faster than my last half marathon, so I was pleased.  Looking back, I think I could have finished in less than 2:10 if I'd increased my speed earlier.  Good to know for next time, I guess.

Once through the Finish Line, I slowed to a brisk walk to allow my heart rate to come down.  I walked as far as I could until the masses of people started piling up.  I found a spot to stretch until I met up with Stephanie.  After we had caught our breath and had a moment to rest, we both commented how we felt like we could run a few more miles at that point.  Not that we were going to.  :)

We were given heat sheets to keep us warm and were stupid to let those go after we'd warmed up inside because the walk from the pavilion to the car was miserable.  We were so.incredibly.cold. Our lips were blue, were were shaking, and we wanted to fall on the ground and cry in a fetal position.  The race started and ended on the Texas State Fair grounds, so you can imagine how many parking lots they have and how far we had to walk to get back.

All in all, a fantastic race which I would do again in a heartbeat.  I've caught the running bug, ya'll.  Today I am feeling pretty well and not too sore.  Last night I felt like someone had drilled a screw into the middle of both knee caps, but a good night's rest did me good.

This Is Not A Recipe Post

When it comes to breakfast (what they say is the most important meal of the day), I've never done a very good job.  For whatever reason, I'm not hungry when I wake up in the morning and it takes me a couple of hours for food to even sound good.  My typical morning routine is to down a tall glass of water with my vitamins, but on occasion I will make a bowl of oatmeal (with 1 T. raw honey and flax seeds).  But it takes effort for me to eat breakfast.

With both pregnancies, I tried to change that habit to give myself more energy and do the babies right.  Since upping my weekly long runs in training for this race, I have been getting into a routine and feeding myself this perfect post-run breakfast.  It is so satisfying that I crave it most days of the week now.

Scrambled eggs and raw tomatoes sprinkled with salt.  I spring for the organic at this point since they taste soo much better than the picked-when-green-hoping-they-are-red-upon-arrival ones.  This gives me the post-run protein that I need and is extremely quick to make.

--

What's your favorite breakfast?

Simple Epiphanies

After a restless last couple months of pregnancy, I slept in the guest bed by myself a.lot.  It was wonderful having it all to myself, as well as the five pillows I'd squish in for comfort; between my knees, next to both sides, under my head, and one under the arm of the side that I was sleeping on.  Complicated, I know.  After baby came, obviously, it was a goal of mine to begin sleeping in the same bed with my husband again.  To feed Lydia in the beginning, I'd take her from her crib into the guest room and feed her while laying down (the BEST nursing position ever, in my opinion!).  Often I'd just sleep with her next to me (a known controversial statement) and feed throughout the night.  I could never do that with Vera.  My anxiety and not knowing how to nurse on my side were the obstacles, but this time around, I had it down.  And I have to say, it's pretty blissful sleeping next to a baby.  When Lydia began sleeping through the night, I began weaning myself of the guest bed.  It was harder than I thought it would be.  Chris and I share a queen sized mattress and although it is a very, very comfortable one, it was a transition going from a bed all on my own back to sharing space and having only one pillow (sniff, sniff).  I can say that jokingly now since I'm glad to be bed buddies with the hubs again.  (Although I love me a nap in the guest bed from time to time...and I will take Lydie there for an occasional 6am feeding, then put her back in her crib.)

All that to say, it arose in me an epiphany.  The only way to sleep all night in the same bed with your husband, is well, to sleep all night in the same bed with your husband.

This spoke to me in other areas.

The only way to run longer and faster is to (wait for it), run longer and faster.

The only way to spend more time reading the Bible (you guessed it) is to spend more time reading the Bible.

--

What is a short term goal that you have?

A Monday Morning Run

163 lbs. and Feeling Pretty Damn Good

I am so not ashamed to type that title and for that, all glory to God.  A good friend sent me this article today and every word resonated with me. (Please read. It's that good.)

Last weekend I went to a clothing exchange.  Are you familiar?  You bring your load of unwanted items that you no longer wear; clothes, accessories, shoes, etc.  You get rid of your stuff and come home with new-to-you items.  It was kind of a sucky day for me.  I showed up and instantly realized I was 'the big girl' as I walked in.  I felt like I really stuck out, and how unfortunate for me that I was attending a clothing exchange.  While there, I even had thoughts about how to write a humorous blog post about how to endure a clothing exchange as the big girl--come home with a pair of shoes, nail polish, jewelry, and a hat.  Which is exactly what I got out of it.  Most of the pants I looked through--size 0-5.  Shirts?  Smalls or mediums.  Certainly not big enough for a breastfeeding gal, let alone someone who has my size "girls."  I hadn't spent much time at home thinking about what to wear, but when I left, I felt pretty cute in the outfit I'd picked.  Funny how things change when you're in a certain environment.  When I was there, I looked down at myself and thought, "Who wears jean shorts anymore?  What was I thinking wearing a tank top that exposes my arms?  I shouldn't have worn flip flops."  I left the clothing exchange feeling really down.  I tried to make light of it, but really, I was feeling so insecure and ugly.

Until I got home.  (Thank You, Jesus.)  My husband loves me so much and I know without a doubt that he genuinely thinks I am a beautiful woman.  And what's funny is that I actually feel pretty good in my skin.  I'm back at it with the running and go to the gym 5-6 days a week.  (A little excessive perhaps, but I truly look forward to it every day.)  I'm training for another half marathon, go to a weight lifting class twice a week, and walk my dog everyday.  I'm an active person.  I enjoy moving and love being healthy.  This doesn't mean I am a calorie counter by any means.  I eat with gusto and enjoy food, and for the most part make healthy choices.  But I'm still a size 12.  Sure, I've got some baby weight I'd like to lose and am not back at my original weight, but I feel good.  I feel really good.

I refuse to be a slave to this world's messed up ideals of beauty.  Why should I let it bring me down?  Can I have permission to go against the grain on this?  To rebel against society's brainwashing?  I don't want to live my life (the only one I will ever have) obsessing about my reflection.  I don't want to spend my days always projecting what I want to look like in the future.  I don't want to wake up a 45 year old one day and still be battling the same issues I dealt with as a 15 year old.  Give me freedom, Jesus.  Let me embrace who I am and be proud because I am your girl.  If I don't, I rob God of His glory.  I spit in His face because I don't think He did a good enough job being Creator.

My Drug of Choice

Man, it feels good to be running again.  I seriously feel high after a run, thanks to dopamine.  I took a week off after birthing a child and was back at it again with little discomfort.  I took it slow at first because my core muscles were still loosey goosey, but after a month of easing into it, I'm back to my 9:30 miles and loving it.

I took a lot of flack from people throughout my pregnancy because I kept up the running, but I felt confident that I was doing the right thing.  I did tons of research, talked to my doctor, and listened to my body.  Up until 8 months pregnant I was consistently running 6-9 miles at a time, usually around 15 miles a week.  I did my last race (10k) at 31 weeks pregnant and after that my motivation dropped off.  I kept running, but only about 3 miles at a time, and at a much slower pace.  I wasn't truly uncomfortable until about 37 weeks.  It was mostly my bladder that made running difficult because I felt I needed to pee every 10 minutes, but knowing they were mostly "false alarms," I'd push through and finish my runs.  My pace continued to slow, but I continued to run.  Well, at around 40 weeks it became more like jog since I was doing 12 minute miles.  My goal was to continue cardio work-outs as long as possible.  I had tried the elliptical at the gym and biking, but no other activity seemed to get my heart rate up and make me sweat as much as I wanted.  On my due date I ran 4 miles.  At almost 42 weeks I ran/walked 2 miles.

I had about 10 hours of false labor throughout the night.  Chris didn't go into work the next day.  Though we were sleep deprived, we were anxious to get labor going again, so to speed up the contractions, we ran/walked 3 miles together.  Crazy, huh?  The funny thing is that it didn't work.  My contractions ceased completely.

I feel that keeping up the running had everything to do with having a healthy pregnancy, not gaining much weight, and having a quick labor.  The best part is that I had a healthy baby!

Now that I am back at it, I am once again really enjoying running.  I've been a runner for a year and a half now and am slowly accepting this as the new me.  For the longest time I felt like I was wearing a mask and that it was a lifestyle that wasn't genuine and wouldn't last long.  I didn't really believe that I could become an active, healthy person all of the sudden in my mid-20s.  Well, I am here to say that it is possible and I love it.

I'm not sure what my goals are for the remainder of the year.  I'd love to do another half marathon, but with two kids, training is even harder.  Figuring out time for long runs in between feeding Lydia is the challenge.  I had wanted to do the Danskin Sprint Triathlon.  I almost signed up, but it was too expensive and it wouldn't have been worth the money to me since I wouldn't have had sufficient time to train for the bike and swim.  For now, I'm enjoying the alone time listening to music and zoning out from mommyhood.

skerd.

i signed up!
chris did, too.
hollie, will you be my running buddy?

unnecessary pressure.

the last couple of nights i have not slept well at all. part of it is due to nervousness about my race on sunday. my first one and i am pumped, however i am also jittery already. i know this is dumb, but i feel like i'm already disappointed in myself because i don't think i'll be able to run the whole thing. i'd love to say i ran the entire thing without walking, but the last couple of runs have been pretty exhausting, so i'm not feeling too optimistic. i'm taking it very easy this week and tapering down my distance, but i still have this fear of running outside. i'm a treadmill girl and i think it's way easier than running on pavement. the treadmill has a bounce to it, so it's easier on your knees and with a fan behind me and music to listen to, i can't say it's been too difficult yet.

all this analyzing is stupid, i know. i'm the one who signed up for the race and i'm doing it because i want to. this isn't the military. i don't have anyone screaming at me this time. if i want to stop, i can and it won't mean i'm any less of a runner or a quitter. if i didn't want to show up on sunday morning, i wouldn't have to. i'm my own boss this time. the downside though is that i just have high expectations of myself and i am hard on myself if i don't meet them.

addicted.

i experienced the runner's high for the first time ever today. it felt amazing. i'm a slower runner (10 minute miles), but longer distances are getting easier. i ran almost 5 miles today and it was after the first couple of miles that it kicked in. i didn't have to think about breathing. my heartrate was not high at all. i wasn't huffing and puffing for air. it was seriously so easy. i've never felt that before but it was awesome and now i'm addicted, i think. i tried to go into my run today with the mentality of asking myself if i could do a half marathon in the future. instead of watching the clock, i just set my ipod on shuffle and let the music be my focus (and 'the view' and 'ellen'). i can't believe i'm going to say this, but i love to run. i'm making sure to stretch out really well today. come march, i think i could up my run to at least 4 miles and make my long run of the week 5 or 6. we'll see!